Words

Before I had a child, I used to think it would be so awesome for my pets to be able to tell me what was going on with them. Are you sick? Are you hungry? Do you hurt somewhere? Are you tired? Do you need help? And they would just tell me what was going on. It seemed was so heart wrenching to know there was something wrong with my darling pet, and I could not to anything to soothe them, or help them or make things easier or better for them.

Well, fast forward 20 months. Now I have the same problem with my child. He is not talking yet, so everyday there are a series of rituals we have to go through to determine what his needs are.

This weekend was extremely challenging, he was totally inconsolable for about half of the weekend. I'm not exaggerating! It was hell. He would be playing and happy and then, for no apparent reason, just stand up and start sobbing, I mean soooobbbbbiiiinnnnggg. Just totally losing it, and it wasn't because of any specific issue. Well, that lead me to a series of questioning, Are you hungry? WAHHHHH!!! are you scared?, What baby? Are you thirsty? WWAAAAAHHHHH! Honey, are you sore somewhere? Did you hurt your leg? Is your tummy aching? WWWAAAHHHHHHHH! Ok, just come here and let mommy hold you while you cry, maybe that will make you feel better. this went on for hours. At one point we thought, hmmmm maybe we should go to the ER, it seems like something is really wrong, but we cannot figure out what! Then, it hit me, he's overtired. I remembered reading a chapter in this book about sleep that said that when kids are over tired, they become irrational, just like adults. They begin to respond to things in a way that seems out of character for them. This is usually something you realize after several days of confusing behavior which leaves the mom and the kid feeling frustrated and wiped out. I wish he were at the point in his communication that he can say, Mom, I want to eat, can we get pizza? I want to be able to talk to him and hear his responses and provide him what he is trying to ask for. Right now, it is just a series of signs, questions, facial expressions and hopefully smiles, when i get it right. I feel so motivated to try to give him the best childhood experience I can, I want to look back on this time as a time of great awareness and learning for me. I am starting to believe that he is more mysterious than the pyramids. Just when I feel like i can't take it anymore, I look into his eyes and he gives me this precious smirk, the one I have seen before that says, hey, I love you, thanks and I am so glad you get me. All in one glance. At that moment., time stands still, I look around and wonder, Am i on camera? is this really happening? How can I be so lucky? Being a mother is a blessing, the greatest blessing I have ever known. At times it is overwhelming, but it is amazing how I don't really remember it for very long. It passes, quickly and with no residual damage. In it's place comes a deep feeling of love and appreciation. I feel so totally grateful for the moments we have already spent together, even the non-verbal moments, which I know, someday I will long for. The innocence of his life is so glaringly obvious, I want him to always have that drive to learn and communicate and still be able to sit quietly and listen to his inner voice and communicate from his inner voice. This is the irony isn't it?