Slide

I remembered that my boss gave us a toddler slide when I was pregnant and we sent it up to my inlaws to store until little boy got bigger. Well he's bigger and they brought it to us today. This guy LOVES the slide. Either that or he loved us all staring at him and applauding when he would slide. I'm sure he enjoyed both things thoroughly. It's a cute slide,little tikes, just big enough for a 2 year old. He went up and down the slide about 20 times outside, then we brought into the living room and he went up and down the slide another 20 or more times, first he put two pillows at the bottom of the slide so e would not get an owie. I am amazed by this, I mean ohow many kids know to do that at his age? Anyhow, he then decided that Na-ni (me) and Da-Di ( Steph) had to slide down the slide as well. it's not our size but we pretended. He sent his cars down the slide, his trains, the ball, more cars and then began combining the cars together, so 2 cars could go down together. Then he would point to himself and babble something and then slide down. It was very cute. We videotaped it and he was a ham. Then he decided to bounce on the ball,like a yoga ball in mini size. he is gonna have massive ab muscles, do you know how strong your abs have to be to bounce like that? Anyways, I was thinking about how much fun it must be to slide down the slide, carefree, expecting to arrive somewhere different than the last time, loving the security of the ground beneath. i think I will slide more often, there is a certain feeling of freedom when you let it all go and just sliiiiide.

Sitter shopping

So we decided that we should try to find a sitter for intermittent needs and for a date night every now and then.
My wife is more freaked out than me, but I have to say that whenever I hear of a kid disappearing,I worry that maybe it's not time for a sitter yet. Anyways, we had our first interview with this really nice woman, she is 39, loves kids, is very calming and the pets loved her. But, and there is a big but. She talked to us for 2 1/2 hours! about other peoples problems. These are not her problems, these are her clients problems,and I find that rude and offensive. My son was surprising comfortable with her, as soon as she came in, he warmed up to her in about 10 minutes which is pretty amazing, considering that he doesn't even do that, that quickly with people he has known his entire life. So, we listened, watched her interact with him, made mental judgments, etc. Then I went to put him to bed, thinking she would stay a few more minutes and then excuse herself. When I came back downstairs she was still here. Sat and listened again so another hour and a half. Ok, here's the thing. I get very little time with my wife. We rarely get early bedtimes. My son decided to go to bed an hour early, and I was very excited. I was actually going to get to talk to my wife about life and still have time to do some things around he house before going to bed. I know, it sounds like I am complaining. Well, I am. Don't you think that someone who has been a babysitter for 17 years would get that when we gethome, we want to be together and making a space for her and an interview was generous of us. An that she should make herself scarce after all of the important stuff was discussed? I mean, it's not like we invitedher over for a visit. This was an interview! Oh I am so pissed. I guess I shoudl be grateful, she talked herself right out of the job. We would have hired her if she hadn't kept blabbing on and on about her other clients kids, divorces, poor daycare situations,their finances, their custody agreements, their autistic children.... Oh I am so not even kidding! She actually told us more than that. Two things bug me. 1. I do not want her talking to anyone about our lives that way and 2. It is totally disrespectful to eat up my time like that. I just lost 2 1/2 hours I can never get back. Damn. What would you have said? anyone?I am wondering if we should let her down easy or just be blatantly honest. Look, we loved you, we think you would be great with our son, but you just talked too much and we want someone who has better boundaries and can pick up on the cues we are giving you, like yawning, getting up from our seats, excusing ourselves to go do other things.... and still you are talking! You need to listen more and talk less. or should we just say, sorry we are not going to hire anyone right now, we changed or minds. and lie.

I don't know, I am not sure, but one thing is for sure, the next interview will be at starbucks, for 1 hour and the baby will not be there.
Sooo disgusted!

jasmine

Yesterday, we had to eutahnize jasmine, our sweet little tabby cat. She was 16 and had been in our lives for 14 years. Here is her story:

I had just recently separated from my soon to be ex-husband. I could not take our two dogs with me because I moved into an apartment. Just 2 months prior to me moving out, the cat we had for 8 years, started getting sick, he had crystals in his urinary tract. My ex-husband took him to the vet for a check up and called me when he got home to tell me that he had to put Cheebah to sleep, the doctor said he was not able to help him. I knew this was mostly BS and that he was just being mean, since he knew we were separating and I loved that cat, more than him!
So, i was very angry and devastated. The day I moved out, I was a mess, i had to say goodbye to my two dogs and I was not sure when I would get them. I planned to get them within a year, once I got a house. But it would be awhile before i saw them again. Being in an apartment by myself was difficult, I could only hear silence, and the creaking of the stairs outside my door. it was eerily quiet for me and so after 2 weeks I decided I would get a pet. Cats were allowed and I loved cats. So, I went to the humane society in auburn hills, looking for a cat. I had no idea what kind of cat I wanted, I just knew I would connect with someone. Well I walked into the Cat room and there she was, now, there were 20 cages with cats in them, all different ages, sizes and colors but I was drawn to her. She had the most incredibly green eyes I had ever seen. Her eyes seemed as if they were lit from behind and were a deep lime green. Just beautiful. I asked, what about this cat? Is she fixed? how old? Why is she here? I was told, she is fixed, she is 1 1/2 years old, the family surrendered her because their kids were harrassing her and they felt bad for her. her name was Tammy! lol. I was like oh, tammy, well thats doesn't fit her at all.
I asked to hold her, she came home with me that afternoon. I named her Jasmine after princess jasmine from the disney movie Aladdin, that princess has bright green eyes and it just seemed to fit her perfectly. I brought her to my apartment and she immediately jumped up on the couch and started purring, she never hid, she never acted nervous or uneasy. She was "at home". Those of you with cats know that this was very unusual, most cats slink around and investigate for a few hours at least, if not a few days and then hide under something until they know that things are ok. She just knew we were meant to be together. When Stephanie and I began seeing each other, she would walk around the apartment and cry for me, like she was looking for me, Steph would call her and pet her and tell her I was coming home soon. She did that for years. She would sometimes just be in the middle of the living room and if we were in the back part of the house, she would all of a sudden cry out, meow? meow? until I came in the room to tell her I was still here, then she would swipe up against my leg and walk away. She had been through many many pets, fosters and overnight stays. We had Zoey, harley, rocky, rudy, gracie, jupiter, venus, haley, emily and katie, shiloh, moosie, larry and of course the baby.
Everytime she would just look at me with this stare and scrunched up nose as if to say, I rather prefer the three of us, but I will tolerate them because I love you. She was a loving adorable kitty. She would walk up to Jupiter and rub all over her face and legs, asking Jupiter to pet her. Sometimes we would lift Jupiters paw and pet jasmine and jasmine loved that. They had a special bond. Last week. She was looking very sick, she had lost a bunch of weight and I was just wondering what is going on. Over the weekend, she got really bad and thin and stopped eating from what I can tell. By monday night she not walking anymore and was stationery on her cat bed. She had a few accidents upstairs and we think it was because she could not walk down the stairs anymore. By the time I got her to the vet on Tuesday morning, she was barely alive. Her breathing was very shallow, her eyes were stuck open, she was not blinking and her whiskers were not working anymore. They were not moving like antenna at the slightest touch. The doctor said, there is really nothing we can do for her. She is too far gone. We are not sure why. Most likely kidney failure or diabetes. but it is hard to say. So I made the decision to let her go.She weighed 7 lbs. I held her for a long time, and told her how much I loved her, what a great friend she had been, how lucky I was to have her and I thanked her for all of her love. I sang the song to her that we sang to her, "jaaazz man, take my blues away". She went quickly, as soon as they injected her with the pink serum that looks like dishwashing liquid. I had my hand on her heart and I felt it stop. Jasmine was my friend when I had nobody else, she just a loving spirit who was brought to me my someone and who made a huge difference in my life. I always knew when something was wrong. Like one time, we bought the automatic cat litter box, after 2 days she started peeing outside the box, a week later, she pooped right on the couch, there was no mistaking that she was not happy. I was like, hmm she trying to tell us something, I discovered that she was afraid of the automatic box. $150 litter box went into the trash the very next day!
I will miss her, I will miss her love and he striking green eyes. When I brought her home from the vet after she died, my son saw her in the blanket and began to babble in a sympathetic way, he had a sad face and was saying dye,dye Thats how he says goddbye. I think that sums it up. Dye Dye jazzie

BIG BOY BED

Well this weekend we decided that it was time to get little boy his own bed. it is still in our room and it is right next to our bed and he can get to us with ease. It has made sleeping easier for all of us. Steph is back in our bed, rather than sleeping in another room, which is very comforting and adds to our intimacy. it is amazing how just being able to touch her arm while we sleep gives me a sense of calm and rightness in my heart. I was very happy to have her back, with her arms around me and snoring in my ear.. haha... Seriously though, life is whizzing by. I cant believe that our son is sleeping in a twin sized bed. It was just last week, I swear it was just a week ago when he got his first tooth. Now he is in his own, one of many in his lifetime, bed. It is so bittersweet, seeing him become another step more independent. Still, I feel like I can help him and protect him from the pain and fears that will inevitable creep in to our delightful flower garden like intrusive weeds in the grass. I have the power, and the control to save him from many, many things. And yet, a part of me is overjoyed with his independence. It think being a parent might make you a little schizophrenic, or just a little crazy. I feel like most of the time I want him to grow and progress and discover and become. Then there are a few moments every so often when I think, wait, I wasn't done with that yet. I just wanted one more bite... There was still a crumb or two left on the plate. I am hoping that he can sleep in his big boy bed in our room for awhile. We are comfortable with how things are right now, and I would never begin again and choose not to co-sleep. It is the best thing for him. I know that and I was very happy to make the space for him, so was Steph. We are just feeling that we have the ability to length the distance between us and him, just a smidge.

Anniversary

Steph and I had our 14 year anniversary on July 10th. Wow, I cannot believe it has already been 14 years, nor can I believe that I am 40. I am so lucky to have her. She is the silver lining. Whenever my life seems to be spinning out of control, I always look to her for guidance, support and love. We met with some much needed help from beyond. We both believe that the angels were at work, we were so dysfunctional and so needy. Well i was more needy than she was, but we were both dysfunctional. Each of us had a lot of baggage and we have a ton of stuff to learn about each other. The first day I ever heard her voice, I knew she was the one. I knew I had found my true love. I feel like she fits me so well that when there is ever a thought of her not being in my life, I ache all over. I have spent the last 14 years breathing her in at night, gazing at her in the morning light, and touching he soft petal skin. There have been times when our fights have put so much distance between us that we both felt like we were on the edge of a cliff with the soil crumbling beneath us. There have been times when we have felt so connected that we felt like we were one person. She knows what I think, what I feel how I see the world, how I fit into the world, and what I like on my garden burgers. She will always know me better than anyone else because I am totally authentic with her. My love for her is intense and powerful. I married her 4 years ago on our 10year anniversary and i felt different as soon as the ceremony was a thought. I remember feeling very nervous and excited and hopeful and it was so funny to me because we were already together for 10 years, but it was different. Having all of our family and friends there, and we were making our commitment in front f all of them Suddenly it felt very serious. Once we drove home from Canada, we were no longer legally married, but in our hearts and in our relationship we are married and will be forever. Stephanie and I have always known we would be together forever, we have never given up on each other and we have never tried to live by anyone else's expectations. We live this life together so well. Some day, long from now, I will think back to the first time I ever heard her voice and I will relive those moments. All of them.

vocabulary

The language of a 21 month old is very interesting and unusual. It is adamant, determined and also a bit insecure. But he tries. Lately he has made huge strides in language. He says didi for my sister cindy, he says gaga for my mom who is actually called Baba. he says Cow, Cat, Doggy, No, car, donkey, eat, ice cream which actually comes out i....e..... but we all know what he means when he says, its sing songy, there is no mistaking it. He says bye bye, hi, there it is, WOW, Whoa!, outside, ouch and sit down. These are all uttered in syllables, not actually words, but what happens when you are around him a lot is, your brain fills in the gaps and so it actually sounds like real words, but people who do not talk to him very often just look at me with a blank stare and say, uh, what? So I know there are not a lot of words there, but to us, he is talking, a lot! Having language is such an incredible tool. When I watch him learn the words and try to say them, I totally get why I have still not learned Spanish! I have tried, but I only end up with a few words. My brain has gotten to the point where I discriminate the sounds and there is no way to just go back and try talking like my son does. I cannot simply say the syllables with the intention of the word and have someone fill in the blanks for me. But, this is an incredible gift we give our children, the encouragement and patience it takes to try to understand everything he is saying so he can communicate is definitely one of the most loving things I have ever done.

vacation

We took our first vacation of the summer at the end of June. We went to my sister and brother in law's house in Traverse City. We stayed for 5 days, it was a really nice break. We had my mom and the dogs with us, plus our son and all of his gear. So, when we got there, he spent the first evening being very uneasy around my sister and my brother in law. I think it is amazing how kids are so cautious about people at this age, but are fearless in every other aspect of their lives. I have seen my son climb up on a table that is 3 feet off the ground with glee and sit on top of it with a smirk that says, hey- see I told you I would be fiiiine. But when it comes to new people, forget it! He is a total clingy velcro strip. Well the visit went really well, we went to the beach, he loved the water and the sand and the potato chips. We went to a dairy farm when he saw his first live cow, and he exclaimed! COW!
it was really cool. We als had an afternoon to ourselves as my sister and mom watched for us so we could have grown up time, which was like a drink of ice cold water on a hot summer's day. We really need to make more time for ourselves as grown ups and begin to let others watch him more often.
Overall it was a lovely vacation, a little bit of rain, a little bit of fudge, lots of watermelon and a few priceless pictures on the beach. I find myself appreciating the smallest things these days.