Tomorrow we are going to my sisters house in Traverse City for the long weekend. I am looking forward to getting away for a few days. I started thinking about why it feels so different to be away and why it feels so realxnig? And most importantly, why I cannot get to that sense of relaxation right here in the present. It's interesting how we train the mind to let go while we are on vacation. Who started that? I find it funny that I am able to let myself be in the moment when I am on vacation, but it is very challenging to be in the moment when I am at home. Just being in the moment is a challenge at work, and I cant figure out why. My mind wanders, I begin to think about all of the other things I could be doing, would rather be doing, should be doing, etc. But I don't think like that when I am on vacation. There is no talk about, hmmmm I really shouldn't be sitting here reading this book when I could be walking to get ice cream. Or, well I guess I can't hang out on the beach too much longer, I have site seeing to do. I just don't get it.

I am going to try today, living my life as if I am on vacation, that everything I choose to do in a day is enjoyable and I choose to do it. I have choices, I could stay in bed instead of go to work. I could sleep instead of play with my son, I could do yard work instead of make dinner. There are all choice aren't they?
What do you think?

The new family

Tomorrow we go to Canada to meet little boy's big sister. She is 6 months older than him and has the same donor. We are choosing to call his siblings, sister, brother,etc not half sister or half brother. It is an interesting feeling preparing for this. We have been talking to all the other moms, there are 4 others, for over a year. Once lives in California, one lives in North Carolina, two live in Texas soon to be having twin boys, and one lives in canada, used to live in Connecticut. This is kinda cool, it's like he has family all over the country. Well, he does have family all over the country. We are all very similar in our parenting styles and our engagement level with our kids. This is remarkable to me. We are from so many different places and yet we are similar. I suppose it is because we are not all that different from one another. In our world, we create differences where there are none, in many cases.

We are excited about meeting his sister and her mom, we are also a little sad that he is not "just ours" anymore. We are beginning to share him with the rest of his family. We plan to take lots of pictures.

mowing the lawn

I got home yesterday to a thrilled little boy. I came in through the back door, he heard me and came running into the kitchen and i came walking into the living room around the other way, so we missed each other. I turned around and he came slamming into me with the biggest grin! I picked him up and kissed him about 10 times, he said na-ni, garble-de booly, cars! I think he wanted to tell me something about his cars! So I said, wow, you played with cars today? cool, then he wanted to show me something that my mom brought to him, so he said, ga-ga, ga-ga, and pointed to my mom (he calls her Ga-Ga for baba). She came over to me with this clear plastic bottle that had a lady bug in it. In actually I think it was a japanese beetle because it was orange and lady bugs are red,but I went along with it. Oooohhh lady bug, wow, then he holds the bottle and he pulls it really close to his face and gazes at it for like, 3 minutes, which is a long time for a 2 year old. Then he says ouside, ouside, mom tells me he wants to let it go outside. So we go outside and I open the lid, the lady bug crawls to the top of the container and hangs out there for a second or two, then jumps onto the deck, he is amazed! he looks at me with these brilliant eyes and says, WOW! then the lady bug takes flight and flys away...... Well, he wasnt aware of that, so he then makes a very serious frown face and starts complaining. GARBLETHEUTHUGOSE, SHOEURHGLMASNDOT, Uh-OH! I tell him that the lady bug flew away and thats ok. We go back in the house. A few minutes later he is very concerned about the lady bug again and grabs my hand and walks me to the back door, to let him go see where the lady bug went. So I oblige. We walk outside, this time he walks down the steps of the deck, and makes a beeline for his lawn mower, the smaller version of the grown up lawnmower. He begins pushing the lawnmower and I am amazed how he is mimicking what we do. My father in law cuts the grass on tuesdays when they come to babysit and he must watch him the whole time. He is pushing it forward then doubling back, then pushing it forward, then walking in a pattern and the entire time he is not looking at anything but the grass. He IS cutting the grass. No doubt in his mind. I watched him for 20 minutes, I am not kidding, 20 minutes, pushing the lawnmower. Then I was getting hungry, so I said hey, let's go inside and get some watermelon. He looks at me, considers the offer and decides that he will. So he pushes the lawnmower into "its" spot, wherever that is, than comes up the stairs, looks at me, pushes the doorhandle and says, ne-non. ne-non. I say watermelon? He shakes his head yes and we go inside....... I know these stories are not that remarkable. I know they are just simple toddler stories that are most likely the same for every family who has ever had a toddler, but to me these stories are the cake of life. The rich, sweet, delectable moments of childhood that my son will appreciate when he is wondering what kind of kid he was. These are the stories I will refer back to when I am missing his baby years, and when he is learning to drive, or getting married or leaving for college.

The library

So, we took little boy to the library yesterday and he had a blast. He was doing all of the puzzles in record time, it is amazing how skilled he is at puzzles. He can assemble them without pictures behind them, he just manipulates the pieces until they fit and he doesn't give up if he doesn't get it right. It's impressive. He found a book he wanted to check out but didn't want to leave the puzzle area. Since we are trying not to bribe him evryday wtih ice cream, I tried another angle. I said, hey lets go give the book to the lady and she can scan it and then we can take it home for awhile. He was agreeable. Carried the book to the elevator, held the book with both hands, it covered his body from chin to knees, it was a larger picture book with lots to look at. he loves this book, so he sat down on the floor of the elevator, read the book until we made it to the first floor, got up, walked out of the elevator and said laaadddyy. i told we had to use our inside voice in the library and he began to whisper, llllaaaddddyyy. then we made our way tot he coutner, he handed the book to the lady with a reluctant smile, like, hey, uh, you are gonna give that back, right? She scanned it, handed it back and he said in a very proud voice Taann oouuu, which means thank you. Then took the book from her, sat down on the floor and continued reading. We finally left the library and he held thebook most of the way home. What precious innocence. I love seeing him be so in love with books. It reminds me why I love to read so much! When you read, you can go anywhere, create anything and enjoy the ride. All in a few hours and then nod off to sleep. It's the BEST.