All of the 20 something's in our life are in trouble. Drug addictions, Dead beat husbands, Apathy, and mental illness. What can you do when the people you love, the 20 something's have an entire life ahead of them, but they have chosen to stop right here. How can you help them? How can you convey that they could have it so much easier than they have it now, if they just took 2-4 years to invest in their future? I am reminded of the errogance of the main character of "Into the Wild"
He thought he knew where his life was going, he was a free spirit, no obligations, no possessions, no nuthin'. Then his "know it all " way of living betrayed him when he made a huge mistake. He didnt realize that the frozen river would be raging river when he was ready to turn back and go home victorious. It cost him his life.

This is a very sad time for us, we have some major issues with the intelligent young people in our lives and we don't know what to do to help them.. is tough love the answer?
Abandonment? Totally enabling them? Where is the line? I default to- well, how does it affect me? How does it impact my life? they are not ASKING for help. They think they are fine, but they are young and stupid.

I remember being stubborn in my 20's but I would still be able to hear the advice. It might take me awhile to come up with the idea on my own, but eventually I would do what the adults in my life suggested. These young adults do not hear us, they do not want any advice, they just want to have people do everything for them. Like pay all their bills, pay for their food and their lodging and their gasoline, so they can support their drug habits. How do we shake them awake?

Garage Sale

When you have a garage sale, things really come into perspective. Things you wanted to "enhance" your life in some way, have virtually no value. You may have paid $20 for something and you belabored buying it. Thinking, do I really have a need for this? How will it look over the couch? I wonder if the color is right, etc. They suddenly become a mountain of burden that you just want gone so you dont have to touch it anymore. Well this weekend, we had a garage sale and it was a doozy. We made over $1000 dollars. We split the money with my mother in law since she had just as much stuff as we did. We each made about half when all was said and done. $1000 may not seem like a lot of money, but when you start to think that about 60% of the stuff was under a buck, that's a lot of stuff! It was a series of strangers stopping by, becoming momentary friends when they saw we had something in common. Like, Oh I love cows too, or I really love that blue shelf. Does this thing work? and What is this? trying to figure out if they need it. For a moment we seem so much a like. As they drive away with their newfound treasures, feeling joy that they "just got a bargain", another layer of relief blankets me as I realize I never have to decide what to do with that pillow, again! I find it comical and also very deep that there are so many garage sales and so many people looking for so many different things. Do you have a TV? I am looking for twin bed sheets? Any maternity clothes? A shower chair? A portable potty for adults? A wheelchair? A series of yes and no answers that either connect us or separate us. You can learn a lot about a person just by what they are looking for at a garage sale. Some of them just looking for a person to talk to for awhile. Someone to tell about the last "great bargain" they got. In some cases, a connectedness because they have just as much stuff to sell as we do. There is a kinship that blossoms in that moment, Whew, I am not alone, there are others who have just as much stuff as I do. This weekend was a philosophical exercise in what do I need, what do they need and overall what does the world need to be happy. I found that, as usual, everyone needs the same thing. To be loved and to belong. Simple as that.

Septmber 11th 2008, it has been 7 years, does anyone care?

I have been reading a lot about 9-11 this week.For some reason, since the anniversary of all of those people dying is tomorrow, I feel compelled to know more about what happened and what is happening. I find it so disturbing that there are still so many unanswered questions. The lists of the deceased is overwhelming and then I think of the children. All the children who are without one of their parents and it immediately brings me to my own experience of loss. I wish I could find a way to help those kids. A way to talk with them, explain to them what is in their future. The emotional impact of what they have experienced will not be fully present for many, many years. Then again, what would it help? Would I have wanted to know what my life would be like when I was 30 or 40 from someone whose father died when they were 2? probably not. It's a personal journey, something so terribly painful and personal. About 9-11, I am so frustrated at how "life goes on". Once the story was not "newsworthy" anymore, it disappeared. It feels like a struggle sometimes to keep the topic alive. When I talk about it at work, people say, "oh yeah, it IS 9-11 tomorrow. What the hell! Thousands of people died and people forget? How can that happen. I think this somehow plays into a fear of mine, but I am not yet sure what the fear is. The fear of being forgotten? I dont think so, it doesn't feel right. i cant place it. Maybe it is a fear of not being acknowledged for the severe and debilitating loss I experienced. I think that might be it. People, society just expects those of us who have experienced this kind of loss to just move on. To get through it and to stop talking about it because it is uncomfortable. I know it is uncomfortable, but what do you do with all this pain? How do I shake it, or make it part of me, or integrate it? At this time, especially, I feel so sad for losing my dad, and I feel so sad for those kids who have lost their parents. The sadness is stinging and dark and lonely and empty and constant.

vacation

Well we left our neighborhood on Thursday evening, I was thinking it would be easy, since it would be night time and all the books say that when you drive at night, your child will sleep. Uh, No- They have not met my son.
We started out getting food from burger king veggie burgers and apple fries. They are just apples, cut into a fry shape but he thinks they are something really special. Burger King is brilliant, far smarter than Good ole Ron mcdonald. Anyhow, we are driving and things are going fairly well, he is getting tired and we are watching the sun set as we drive. Well, my son is still nursing, so night time mean nursing before bedtime. He held out for about 2 hours, complaining, whining, throwing every toy he had, watched his video 3 times, still no sleep. finally we stopped for gas, I let him nurse and he passed out. Until, I put back into his carseat. WAHHHHH! now he is really crying and complaining and i am trying to decide what to do. Against my better judgment, i took him out of the carseat, and made a mini bed on the seat of the van, laid him on it and let him nurse, in second, he was asleep.
Ahhh blissful quiet and sleep, i had to keep looking back like every 2 second to make sure he was not rolling over, and then out the window to make sure nobody was careening across 4 lanes f traffic to slam into us, but he was asleep. It was all very relaxing, NOT! Once we got to my sisters, I carried him into the bed, plopped him down and he kept sleeping, he was exhausted. The next day we woke up late and took a 3 hour nap, it was wonderful!

This weekend,he was really expanding his vocabulary. here is what he is sayin these days:
nani- mommy
Dadi- momma
gaga-baba
gigi- gammy/gampy
haier-Javier
dudido-jupiter
nuna-luna
didi-aunt cindy
unco dis- uncle vince
turki-turkey
duk-duck
cow
durdl-turtle
owsigh- outside
dadur-water
onkie-monkey
atulfyes-apple fries
more
eat
nighnigh-night night
mine
me
dux-lux
dye dye- bye bye
hi
oops
no
yesh-yes
cayou-caillou
diky mous - mickey mouse
moush-mouse
housh-house
one
dooo- two
teee- three
yawr-four
die-five
teeet-treat
gapes-grapes
dost-toast
gake-cake

I think those are all the words he can say

This weekend, we had coffee cake at my sisters house, he takes a bite and says, mmmmm, didi's gake. then he looks at the glass and says didi's dadur (water). then he points out the window and says didi's dower (flower). He totally knew he was at his aunt cindy's house. I was amazed. In the morning when he woke up, he took a dee breath and whispered in his little toddler voice, didi's housh. He did not know we were up yet, so he kept saying it, and then he looked over at my wife and said, dadi- didi's housh, then she says good morning, to which he replied, norning... and then flashes us a huge bright smile.
I love being his nani.