language

what is he saying lately?
Well he is making great sentences. like
Mommy its cold inhere, can I have a blanket please?
No baba, don't go home, stay here.
Mommy wuvooo- This one is my personal favorite of course!
Suzie
Steph
Geegan- which means "again"
Gigi's took it home in their car
chase luna now
I want cake now

Weaniing Day 1I just could not do it anymore, I hit the breaking point and that was it. My son woke up at 12:30am on Monday night and I just refused and thats when it all began. He thrashed, he screamed, he hit me, he cried.... Oh did he cry, and all the while I was telling him, i understand. I just kept saying you can be angry, I would be angry,but you may not hit mommy. He would try to lay on my shoulder and then get really mad and crya ll over again. He was up for 4 hours the first night, and eventually fell asleep sitting up watching TV. He tried every diversion to get out of the situation, Lets build a snowman, lets got to the store, lets go outside, get Da-Dee up, i want Da-dee, anything. Nothing worked.
When I woke up, I did not feel regret, I felt energized, I did it, I made it through the first night!
Weaning Day 2The second night, my wife and I devised a plan, i went ot bed at 8pn and slept for 3 hours, while she wore him out. Then when it was time for him and her to go tobed, I got up and began the ritual of settling him down. I expected the same thing as the night before and figured I would be up for awhile. Well, to my surprise I offered him the pacifier ( chupo) and He took it! He took the Chupo and he fell asleep in 15 minutes. He woke up twice that night, cried for about 15 minutes and then tookt he chupo and fell asleep. I kept him close in our bed all night long and it was miraculous. I was so excited I could not sleep. I think I was actually more tired on day 2 than I was on Day 1. But in the morning, he had only woken up 2 times and cried for less than a half hour total!.
Weaning Day 3I astucally had Thai food last night for the first time in 2 years, well I have had thai food, but not the one I like. The potato Curry with Tofu from May's Bangkok Express. It was Divine! I ate every bite! All the while thinking, yes! I am done nursing, I can eat curry!
We went to bed at 8pm, my son took the chupo after about 10 minutes of crying, he fell asleep by 8:40pm. I went to bed. He didnt wake up until 1:30am, I thought I would have to get up take him downstairs and walk him around as I havebeen doing the last 2 nights. But, he surprised me, He just crawled over to me, lay on top of my chest and snuggled his little head into the crookof my shoulder and fell back to sleep, it was literally 5 minutes! WOW, I am amazed, he never woke again when I left for work,so I consider that sleeping through the night.
Tomorrow I am having Indian food, another milestone and nursing is done. I have not had Indian food in 2 years either because he was very senstitive to curry and it caused him a lot of discomfort.
Hallelujah! I can have Iced Tea today! The caffeine used to keep him awake.
Today I feel like a warrior walking outof a cloud of dust after a battle. I made it through and he is doing really well!
I love my family again!

funny

The other day, my son was lookin in the mirror as he was brushing his teeth and he had no shirt on. All of a sudden a light bulb went on over his head. He looked at me and said, baby boobs! Baby Boobs! I said, thats right, those are your boobs. Then he got a huge smieland laughed and said, penis! Penis! penis! I started cracking up! and had to leave the room as my wife calmly acknowledged that he had a penis!

So funny

Weaning!

There have been moments in my life, when I have known I went in the wrong direction and then realized I was going to have to go back to point A and start again. Breast feeding my son is one of these moments. I feel so conflicted about it all. I know all the stuff about the reasons why it is so great for him. There is no doubt that nursing him this long has enabled him to be a healthy child with a big brain and amazing cognitive and motor skills. No doubt, that's proven. Where I vasilate is, the comfort, the bond that has developed between him and my breasts, i say that intentionally. it's not me, so much as it is my breasts. I know he is bonded to me as his parent and I know he sees me as someone who can satisfy his needs, but I also know that he is bonded to my breasts, like an alcoholic to alcohol. his eyes widen, he giggles a little and then dives in to my chest with such delight, its almost a little creepy. Sometimes, I wish I never started nursing him, then I wish I would have weaned him when I went back to work, then I wish I would have weaned him when he turned 1, etc....I was planning to wean him this weekend,but my wife was sick, so it has been postponed until this weekend, hopefully. I want to remember all of these feelings I am having but am reluctant to write them down, because many of them are not very nice. I think that many women would have just fought through it and just gotten over it long ago. One friend of mine said, "weaning? Well I just told him no,and that was it." I said, well didn't he cry? Wasn't it confusing for him? Aren't you worried about his emotional health? she said " Uh, yeah he cried, so what! I was done and that's it." I have tried to be that closed off, it does not work for me. I see him as such a darling sweet innocent child who is only doing what I have programmed him to do. But, I am tired. I am exhausted, and I am done. So how do I balance the Doneness with the love I have for him. I feel like I am abandoning him, letting him down, being hypocritical. I feel like there is no way for me to wean him without being those things. I just don't see how it works any other way. I can do a lot of things for a few days, so I keep doing it for a few more days, but I want to be finished and I want him to know that although I am finished with nursing, it does not mean we cannot be as close as we have been, just in different ways. I feel so totally alone.

life changing

The night of the election, after we heard that Barack Obama would be our next president, I went upstairs to get ready for bed. I looked into the bedroom to see my son sleeping, peacefully, with arms sprawled out, chest moving slowly up and down to match his very relaxed breathing pattern, eyes gently closed and his face so softly resting. I thought to myself, you have no idea what has just happened little man. In your lifetime, you will never know that there was a time when black people could not be president just because they were black. Such a monumental thought, such an impact on your life, and yet you sleep. So gently and peacefully allowing this moment to pass with no observation, no celebration, no recognition. Just sleep. I thought about how he will have a better future, just because a democrat will be in office for the next 8 years. I thought about my black friends who have kids, andhow their kids will not be more hopeful about their futures. I did not yet know that California had repealed legal marriage for gays. I was nervous about it, but thought it would remain, by an ever so thin margin. The next day, I woke to hear that Calfornia did in fact vote to repeal marriage rights for gays and I thought to myself. What the hell are people so afraid of? it's amazing how we are demonized in the media and in certain religious groups. The fear that is fed to Americans is just incredible. It's like the most tasty treat you have ever had, you can have as much as you want and you never have to be aware of what it. I wish for the day when I can once again see my son sleeping peacefully as the country finally changes the direction of his life once again. Making acceptance and kindness the priority and placing fear in the dumpster.