life

So today is November 3rd. My son is getting bigger and i noticed yesterday that he really looks like a (bigger) little boy. His facial structure is changing, his nose is getting a bit longer and his cheekbones are starting to show more as his face thins out. Miraculous, I can see the 9 yr old in him. All of a sudden, I am missing the baby days. They were so hard, so much to do, constantly, changing diapers, washing bottles, pumping breast milk, no sleeping, not eating, baby vomit, baby spit everywhere.... and yet, I miss my baby. Lol. I guess there is no better way to put it other than, it feels so permanent when he starts to grow up. it feels like there will be a moment in time when none of this is even a memory. We will be on to bigger stuff. His first ER visit, his first, love, his first broken heart. The innocence of his early childhood will be replaced by the harshness of life. In place of my cuddly 3 yr old will be my independent and opinionated 9 yr old and mommy will no longer be the first choice for comfort, conversation or collaboration. It will be his friends. I know this is what supposed to happen, I know that. But. I didn't expect it to happen so fast, with such fury and such vigor. The other day I noticed something about his conversation skills. I said, I love you and he said, I love you too mommy. Up until this point, when I would say I love you, he would just smile and kiss me or something. But yesterday, he responded with "I love you too" That was incredible. it stopped me, my eyes welled up and i thought, wow! I was immediately reminded of when he first started saying I love you. Wuv ooo
and then he would take his hand and kiss it and gesture in my direction. Now its a reciprocal conversation. This child is a gift, from another place. I feel so lucky to have been chosen to care for him on this earth. To the Gods and Goddesses who made a portal in the universe for him to enter through, Thank You!